6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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