I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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