Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
