god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
