what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
