FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
