well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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