Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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