She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
drinking out of a sandbucket again
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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