He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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