plz talk dirty to me
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
