remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Who died my cat blue again?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
