Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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