my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
