He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
