So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
