..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
