I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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