Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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