youre lurking in front of me
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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