I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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