I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
