Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
