True but thats because hes a fetus.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
