i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
