Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
