Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
they call him Oral-B. enough said
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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