I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
