"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
