I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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