You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
