Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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