Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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