I cannot find my penis.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
