who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
