Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
