The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
