and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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