tonight lets celebrate not being married
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
