They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize