does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
