i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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