We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Can you bring me the toilet please
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Randomize
