We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I did not marry a roomba.
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