i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
