Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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