Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
