I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
