I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I can't put those talents on a resume
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i out mim tonsoeep
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