I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
