Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
