my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
No I am not eating basil off your cock
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
