everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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