i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
