why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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