you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize