So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
