You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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