Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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