But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
