She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize