How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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