you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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