I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
