i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I will pee on everything he values.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
