Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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