In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
