I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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