I skipped work to stalk him.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I need water and some morals
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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