I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
