Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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