Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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