we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
