so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
