just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
