I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
