hell yes lets make some ravioli
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We are two peas in an std pod
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
