Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
