Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
