We're like a lot better than the average bears
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
