ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
