there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
