I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
