the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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