Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
