I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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