If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
