Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He did a backflip because drugs
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
