I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
