Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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