I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
