I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Green mimosas i think yes
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize