Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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