Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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