dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
