I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
