why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
