Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
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