I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
