at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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