im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
