it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
this beer tastes like vomit already
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
