She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
