Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
