The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
COCAINE IS GR8
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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