can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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