Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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